obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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