You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
