Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
