super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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