when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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