Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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