right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
