If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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