it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
