Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
