There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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