Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
