Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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