the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
