I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
