you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
