Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
