Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
