sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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