I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
