Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
