dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
