if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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