girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
