highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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