She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
