What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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