She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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