I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
