As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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