do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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