I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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