The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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