those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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