my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
