Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
