Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
