You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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