I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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