take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
