she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
