the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
