Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
