you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
