i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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