And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
