So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
