just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
