I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
