drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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